This website is dedicated to jokes about lemmings, and only jokes about lemmings. It is our fondest wish that this will inspire a hugely popular fad, as people around the world spread the word of lemming jokes, just like — dare I say it — lemmings....
Lemming Jokes
- Lemmings Lemmings Lemmings [Larry & Douglas]
- Lemming #1: I heard Brian Regan say, “If you were to second-guess your decision to book time at a Native American community, that would be a ‘reservation reservation reservation’ ”
- Lemming #2: That reminds me – since I dislike fake Vietnamese soup, you can call me a “faux pho foe”
- Lemming #3: Similarly, I dismiss the idea of Asian appetizer assortments based on a fictional stuffed bear, so I “pooh-pooh Pooh pu-pu”
- Lemming #4: Did you see the headline about some bison outwitting a big city near Niagara Falls? “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo”[more buffalo]
- Lemming #5, a Canadian lemming, wonders if a former Top Gear presenter likes him: “May may m’aime, eh?”
- Lemming #6: Back in the ’90s, whenever I saw an attractive insect buzzing about, you’d hear me say that I enjoyed watching that “fly fly fly”
- Lemming #7 etc. … and so it continues because, you know, they’re lemmings
- What is a lemming's favorite pick-up line? "I'll follow you to the end of the earth!" [Funny Jokester]
- What do lemmings think about? See The New Yorker for an idea.
- Two lemmings are playing golf. The first lemming hits the ball and it rolls right into the cup, and he says, "I got a hole in one!" The second lemming looks at him, horrified, and says, "Oh my God, a talking lemming!"
- What do you get when you cross a lemming with a salmon? See The New Yorker to find out.
- … and another The New Yorker cartoon about lemmings can be found here.
- What do you get when you cross a lemming with Chuck Norris? I don't know what it is, but cliffs jump off of it. [Larry]
- What did the stern lemming parent say to the misbehaving lemming child? "If all your friends jumped off the Empire State Building, wouldn't you jump too?" [Larry]
- Why are there so many lemmings? Because when two lemmings mate, so do all the others. [Douglas]
- What type of movies do lemmings like best? Cliffhangers. [Larry]
- Knock knock. Who's there? Lem. Lem who? Lemonade. You didn't think this was going to be a lemming joke, did you?[Larry]
- What did the lemming say when his friend was committing suicide? "Hey, wait up!" [Douglas]
- Why are there so few lemmings? Because when one is hit by a car, so are all the others. [Douglas]
- How many lemmings does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them — duh. [Larry]
- What did the second lemming say to the first lemming? Whatever the first one said. [Larry]
- Two lemmings walk into a bar.... No, three lemmings.... No, four lemmings.... No, five lemmings.... Etc. [Douglas]
- How many lemmings does it take to make a cake? Isn't that a bit cruel? I use raisins. [stroppyjock]
- Lemmings run off cliffs because of Chuck Norris. [Up With Chuck!]
Lemming Jokes in Literature
- "'When somebody asks what branch of the service he's impersonating, he says the Royal Canadian Lemmings. He really was born in Canada. But people take their military uniforms seriously in this town.' 'I doubt that the lemming jokes would be very popular in Canada either.'" [Large Target, by Lynne Murray.]
- "'You know what you get when you cross a lemming with a sheep? A venture capitalist,' says Kimsey, laughing." [The Dinner Club, by Shannon Henry.]
- "'I see you have a mobile home these days — just in time to join the caravan Lemming Meet at Mallaig; they're all going to drive off the pier.' 'Your jokes are worse than ever ... Where can I park the bloody thing?" [Climb to the Lost World, by Hamish MacInnes.]
Other Sites' Lemming Cartoons
NEW LINK — Three lemming cartoons by Mark Parisi: Distracted Lemming, Overprotective Lemming Parents, and Parenting for Lemmings.
Images subject to copyright by respective creators.
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